Full disclosure — I’m not sure what to write about these days. Jon has been gone nine weeks, and I haven’t even begun to get used to this new life of mine, let alone write about it.
My moods and feelings change day by day and hour by hour. Sometimes I feel busy and normal — when I’m talking to the contractor about redoing that brick walkway in our back yard, for example.
At other times all I can feel is the emptiness.
So, this week I dug into the “Case of the Human Condition” archives and looked for a story in need of a fresh read.
And here’s what I found — a post about Geoff Machin.
Geoff is one of the interviewees in my book “Wrestling with God: Stories of Doubt and Faith.”
And he’s just the right company for me at the moment: He is fully aware of life’s cruelty, but he has spotted some light in the desolation. I think of him as a hopeful realist.
The post starts with a pithy quote from Geoff.
By Barbara Falconer Newhall
Human beings are the only living things that know they exist and ask why. We’d probably have more fun if we didn’t ask so many questions, just go to the beach and have a beer.
Well, some of us do bother about these things, we live with the questions. That is God in us, I think. That is the extent to which we are made in God’s image.
The very fact that so many people push toward a meaningful basis for their lives is, to me, evidence of God’s existence. — Geoff Machin
I like what Geoff says here. I like to believe that the sacred is at work in the world. And I don’t mean in extravagant, show-offy ways (miraculous deathbed cures, multi-million-dollar wins at the lottery, elevator doors that open before one has had a chance to press the up-button).
Our Choices Matter
I’m thinking of a leading force that invites us to be our generous, compassionate selves. A spirit that assures us that we matter and that therefore, by golly, our choices matter.
I think that’s what Geoff means when he talks about “a meaningful basis” for our lives. And I like the fact that Geoff thinks this way. He’s a scientific type, a hard-headed, hopeful realist — a retired neonatal pathologist, born in England, who grew up in the Church of England and studied at Oxford.
Nature Bloody and Competitive
He’s a realist who believes that Alfred Lord Tennyson got it right when he suggested that nature is “red in tooth and claw” — bloody and competitive — and that most creatures walking (swimming, swarming, floating, flying) around on this planet are not much interested in anything beyond where the next meal is coming from.
Yet Geoff also believes that we human beings are capable of a selflessness and a desire for meaning that belie our animal nature — and these qualities originate in the sacred. Which is what makes him a hopeful realist.
Geoff may be a hopeful realist. I’m not sure I am right now.
More about my “Wrestling with God” book at “Wrestling with God on the Shores of Lake Michigan.”
I really enjoyed reading Geoff’s thoughts, and your writing today. It was comforting. Also, Geoff’s career as a neonatal pathologist probably shaped his views of life, death, and spirituality quite a bit. What a line of work.
Right. Geoff tells me that he saw a lot of babies born without brains or esophagi, etc. It happens more often than we like to think.
St. John Henry Newman called our conscience “the aboriginal vicar of Christ in our soul.”
Interesting. Very interesting. Thanks, Jeanie
I’m so sorry you are going through this sorrow.
Thanks, Jeanie. One of the things I have to look forward to is visiting all my cousins in Michigan. One of these days!
Yes, Barbara, life continues and you will have days when you are busy and all seems normal and then up pops a memory or that empty, somewhat lost feeling suddenly hits you. Just take the time to deal with it. Time does heal or at least smoothes those feelings. Ken’s been gone 8 years and those memories are becoming even fonder.
Keep being the optimist.
Thanks, Ann. I’m sorry to hear that you have had to go through this.
Hi, Barbara, I met you several years ago when you visited us at First Presbyterian Church in Birmingham MI. I’m also a retired journalist (Detroit News). I was so sorry to hear of Jon’s death. He sounds like a very good man and a wonderful life companion.
I waited to write you because often it’s a bit after the initial shock that you feel the loss more. I’ve had a lot of experience getting through loss as well as seeing others go through it. I want to say that whatever you are feeling, up and down, cheerful and despairing, is all normal and part of the recovery process, even though it’s really hard. Sending you good thoughts.
I remember that visit to First Presbyterian well. It was a wonderful homecoming. And, yes, I am feeling the loss of Jon much more as the days go by. Probably because it is feeling more real and more final.
Hang in there Barbara. Time heals.
Hugs,
Jan
Thanks for the hugs, Jan. Just what I needed!
You may have your doubts, but many of your readers are pretty sure Barbara Falconer Newhall is a hopeful realist.
Wonderful piece!
Thanks, Teddy. Your book arrived in the mail yesterday. I have taken a few sneak peeks already.
Note to readers: My old friend Theodore Parnall’s book is “Life and Law in Interesting Places: An Improbable Journey.”