There are some things in this house that I leave where Jon left them. I turn my face away from them: Jon’s recumbent bike. Jon’s shaving kit with its minty fragrance of Jon. Jon’s sock drawer. The DVR that still faithfully records Jon’s NFL games.
But from time to time there is something that I’m finally ready to let go of. A couple of months ago, for example, I wasn’t ready to give away my late husband’s winter coat. I took it out of its garment bag and put it back in.
But in the days that followed, my church announced a clothing drive. Warm coats were needed by the folks who would be spending the winter on the streets of the Bay Area.
I wanted to keep the coat. Tangible things like this old coat allow me to feel that Jon is still here. He’s not here watching a football game. He’s not making dinner for the two of us. He’s not huffily asserting his rights to his end of the bedroom closet. But his coat is here, so he’s here.
Yes, it’s hard to give up the things that Jon wore, handled, touched and treasured. But I know what Jon would say about this winter coat of his if I asked him.
He’d say it if I didn’t ask him.
“Someone needs that coat, Barbara. It’s just a coat. Give it to somebody.”
Jon was like that.
I’m not.
But it was November. It was getting cold out there. Somebody could use that coat, I knew. It wasn’t doing anyone any good hanging in a garment bag in our son’s old bedroom closet. Giving it away was the right thing to do. But how to bring myself to do that?
This is how I did it: I took the coat from its garment bag. I drove it over to the church, and on the way I told myself again and again that there was more of Jon in the giving away of his coat than in the keeping of it.
It worked. The coat is gone.
The shaving kit, however, is still there.
More Jon stories at “The Day I Popped the Question.” Also, “Why Can’t a Dad Be More Like a Mom?”
Seeing Jon’s coat filled me with memories of our visits in the Great North. Funny how that happens. The coat doesn’t hold value however. What I treasure are my memories of the wonderful man wearing it. I miss him.
Yes. That was the coat Jon wore only for visits to the Midwest in winter. It was a serious coat. And he definitely enjoyed our visits with our “n-laws.”
Beautifully done. ❤️
Thank you, Tammy. It’s good to hear from you.
Aw. You’re right, though. Jon would have wanted you to donate that coat.
Yep. That’s for sure. It’s his Great North winter coat, barely used! A nice one.
Very good! B my mother was very good about this when my father had a heart attack & died suddenly. She had been in the habit of having Salvation Army drop by every 3 months & she gave them anything not used during that time frame, so her husband’s coat had no sentimental value to her. I’m another type. I cannot imagine giving away my husbands clothing if he dies before me. I congratulate you for doing the right thing xxx.
Joy, I have plenty of space in my house, so there’s not pressing need to eliminate stuff. But I know that sooner or later, I’ll have to give away the rest of Jon’s wardrobe. I was the one who sorted through some of my father-in-law’s belongings, and then my mother-in-law’s. That probably made it easier on their closer relatives.