I don’t talk to Jon. Some of the widows I’ve met in recent months say they have conversations with the men who have gone out of their lives. They chat with them. They run things by them. They ask for advice. Apparently, it’s possible to get advice from a dead husband.
I don’t go to Jon for advice. I don’t talk to him. I avert my eyes when I come across a photo of him lest it put me face-to-face with that awful fact — the one that says Jon is gone and he isn’t coming back.
Earlier this week, Jon gave me some advice anyway.
The One-Year Anniversary
The anniversary of Jon’s death — February 19 — is coming up. The widows I’ve been talking to all say they’ve made a special day of the one-year anniversary.
I thought I’d follow suit. I’d ask the kids to consider coming to town for the occasion. We’d drive across the Bay Bridge to Colma, where Jon is buried amidst dozens of Newhalls going back generations.
It would be a solemn day. We’d lay something on Jon’s grave. Jon doesn’t like cut flowers, so I’d have to think of something biodegradable to leave there.
I’d cry. The reality of Jon’s absence would get a little more real, and I’d get a little closer to accepting its truth.
A day of formal mourning seemed the right thing to do.
But then I learned that a young friend’s wedding shower was scheduled for the same weekend. She’s a good friend. I’ve known her since she was in kindergarten. I told her mother I’d miss the party. I’d be at the cemetery.
Right about then, Jon got into the conversation.
“What? You want to spend the day at Colma with a bunch of tombstones when you could be at a wedding shower with a bunch of women? You like wedding showers.”
Jon’s right — sometimes Jon is right — I do like wedding showers. There are gifts to be opened, sweets to be sampled, conversations to be had.
Advice From a Dead Husband
Jon is gone. Our life together is in the past. But there’s a wedding in the future.
And so, it seems, there will be a future.
Says Jon.
Some wedding stories: “Wedding Dress Shopping — When Your Daughter Lets You Tag Along.” Also, “A Marriage Proposal — The Man Said, Yes.”
Choose life. Always.
Got it! Reminders are good, especially this one.
A different perspective. Must mull over it awhile. Joy
Here’s what I think, for now anyway. When you live with someone, day in and day out for forty years, you know them well. You know what they’re going to say before they say it. That’s why, I think, widows and widowers can carry on pretty decent conversations with their lost spouses. Whether the spouse is indeed there in spirit, we can’t for sure.
Hooray for Jon,! Do what makes you happy! Happy is much more fun. Think of you often.♥️
Thank you, Diane! Will do.
Barbara,
Good choice go to the shower. Our daily loss is enough to deal with, so enjoy the shower.
Nancy Sanders
Right. Enjoy the shower — and (in my case) the fun of choosing a gift.